Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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