I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize