I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
