My first STD was from a foam party
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
