i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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