I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
