dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize