today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
