she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
