Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
