you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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