Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
