Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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