I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
