Your mouth is God's brothel.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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