he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
