you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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