What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
