I can text with my tongue
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize