I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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