You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize