I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
