I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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