just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am naked and annoyed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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