So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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