FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize