I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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