As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
