We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
