Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
