At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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