Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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