How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
