I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
