In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize