Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there's paper in my vomit.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
