the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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