Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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