guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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