It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
