it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
