Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize