im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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