you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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