What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
