Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
