I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
