i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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