I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
