I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
