The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
