It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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