Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
