pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Randomize
