So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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