Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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