If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
