i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
