you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize