I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
