Yo dont text me then not text me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize