tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
