just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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