ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
