and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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