New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
