I think my vagina is haunted
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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