So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
