I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
