So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
