I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
