I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
