Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
