Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
